Cliche Storm
by CelestiaTrollworth
Summary: Things went a little nuts when Pinkie accidentally the fourth wall and Twilight tried a new spell...Not actually dirty, but there are some off-color references.


Luna yawned and rubbed her eyes with a wing as she staggered out on her balcony in midafternoon. "What's going on?"

It was the only question she could come up with. The sky was buzzing with what looked like every pegasus in Cloudsdale. The Wonderbolts were yelling out directions, most of the adults were diving on things on the ground, and an alarming number of foals and slightly older colts and fillies were fluttering among them, either trying to help or trying to get out of the way. A small stratocumulus drifted over from the direction of Ponyville.

"Oh. Sorry we woke you up. Things got...interesting today." The purple unicorn's face was planted in the cloud she lay on. Her horn seemed to be melting a hole in it, sending up a fine sizzle. "And yes, my horn is killing me."

"Sister, watch the castle. I'm on roundup duty!" Celestia called as she flew by. "We're having a cliche storm. Careful, Twilight. I don't think your wing spell is going to hold that long."

"Got it," Luna said, flinging a small cloudwalking spell at the stratocumulus. Belatedly, the oddness of a unicorn hanging out on a cloud more or less level with the castle balcony struck her. She stepped over to look. "Nice wings!"

"Good thing they're temporary. I need a whole lot more practice before I try to brew up any permanent ones."

Luna surveyed the sleek deep purple batwing folded against the unicorn's side. "Looks very nice to me."

"Yeah, well, take a look at the other side." She lifted a white gossamer and dew wing with her elbow.

"Oh, dear...it's the whole twilight thing, isn't it? You got, er, one of each. How do they work for you?"

"That's how my day started. I got excited and didn't pay enough attention to the color choice part of the spell. I also didn't read the part about how to keep flying forward, so I backed into a tree, got going forward again and bashed my face into a fence. While Dash was laughing at me," she added, barely opening one eye. "That was the easiest part of the day."

"Oh dear. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks, I had some aspirin. Then I thought I would drown my sorrows with a donut, and that's when-"

A small, wailing pegasus darted up into the cloud, scrambled across Twilight's back and nestled herself between her and Luna. Twilight jerked her head up and winced. "What's the matter, Scoot? Wow, you got right up here!"

"He...he was being...mean and the princess...Celestia I mean...helped me..." She began to sob too hard for words.

"It's all right, dear, stay there," Celestia called as she rocketed past. "We'll take care of it. Your parents know where you are and you're all right."

"What in Equestria-" Luna began, but the terrified little pegasus was still snuffling. She reached out gingerly and patted the trembling little back. What was it Fluttershy had said about keeping her voice down and moving slowly? "Whatever it is that happened, I hope I can-"

A beige blur flashed past in a wave of profanity that made her hair stand on end. It seemed to be in a furious power dive. She knelt and tucked the little pegasus under a wing before she looked over at Twilight. "What exactly was...that?"

"Fluttershy," Twilight sighed. "She's a little mad."

"What did that word mean?" Scootaloo whimpered.

"Uh, never mind, hon, it's just something older ponies say when there's a good reason," Twilight said. She stood up, peering over the edge of the cloud. Her hooves began to sink in. "Hm. How about you and I go over to the balcony and stay there, Scootaloo?"

"Okay." The little pegasus unfolded her wings and looked over. It wasn't much of a jump, but her soggy eyes grew big. "I think okay."

"You can do it." Luna stepped back. "Come on, child, I know you can."

Scootaloo shut her eyes and launched herself, more jump than flight. Dark blue magic lifted her over the edge of the balcony and dropped a cushion of cloud under her before she landed. She blinked in surporise. "I made it!"

"You sure did." Rainbow Dash paused in flight, scanning the ground. "Did either of you see...Oh, hi, Luna!"

"Hello. Would you mind filling me in on what's going on?"

Dash landed on the cloud. "Well, you know how we usually get the morning tour group of humans. They stop by the castle, they get their picture taken with Celestia, they get their temporary pony spell, Lyra shows them around town, they go back through the portal, great for all the businesses. I keep an eye on them while I'm clearing out the morning fog, because now and then we get a bad one and we shove them back through."

She hadn't known all the details and was glad Dash had run them down for her. One of these days she was going to have to check these things with Celestia. "Yes, and?"

"Pinkie was trying out a new cupcake recipe and she got so happy that she accidentally the fourth wall big-time right beside...they called it a 'brony con'. Usually we get a half-dozen or so in a tour. Try a couple of hundred all at once, and some of them were kinda weird."

"I don't think I can call anyone 'weird'," Luna sighed.

"These guys? Yeah. You can call them weird." A large brownish pony with stubby temporary pegasus wings sailed by, whooping, and bounced off the castle wall. Rainbow folded her forefeet. "I rest my case."

"They're not all that smelly, are they?" The human trailed a cloud of soda, potato chips, some indefinable kind of dirt and human sweat.

"No, most of them are fine. Most was the problem. There were several hundred, and they didn't have a tour guide with them. They just burst in and wandered all over the place, the swamp, the Everfree, just everywhere, and we had three or four of them who were..." Twilight cast a sidewise glance at Scootaloo. "Hey, Scoot, I bet if you go inside one of the guards can show you where to find the cookies while we get all this cleaned up. You'll be safe. They wouldn't let anybody get near you to hurt you."

"Cookies?" the little pegasus quavered.

"Cookies," Luna agreed. "Chocolate chip. They fix a lot of things." It was the first thing she'd been sure of since she woke up. "I made them myself. Go ask Beefy to show you, then you can curl up on my bed and take a nap if you want."

"Really? On your royal bed?"

"Sure. Go ahead. We'll take care of things." Once she went inside, Luna raised an eyebrow at Twilight. "She got up here by herself?"

"Um, not exactly, Celestia and I kind of...boosted her, but she did get about thirty feet off the ground all by herself. One of those humans saw her and thought he was going to..." Twilight made a face and shuddered. "I know some of what he said he was going to do, and I wasn't interested in hearing the rest, so I kind of..."

"On one hand, he got to live out his dream of being a pony,." Rainbow shrugged. "On the other, he's a gelding now."

"Which is better than I'd have done with him," Twilight growled. "He took off through the portal running pretty fast and screaming. I think that's what woke you up, princess."

"So your horn, because of the gelding spell..."

"Uh, no, that was Sweetie Belle who took care of THAT. I don't think she was very happy with him. Or with that other guy who was thinking about doing the same thing. That's who Fluttershy is chasing. And no, I don't think Sweetie got THAT for a cutie mark, but that's one interesting first grown-up spell."

"She found him," Rainbow said, peering down. "But he's getting ahead of her because of the crowds."

Derpy buzzed by, yanking at her saddlebags. A stream of marbles gushed forth. "Somebody's going to have to file a claim for lost mail," she said. "Got him!"

Twilight joined her at the edge of the cloud. "So did Rarity..." Both of them grimaced. "Ooh. That's gonna leave a mark. And it's gonna be a while before anybody can stand up straight on that street with all the marbles. And it's too bad about Berry Punch's wine."

"I didn't know Rarity knew those words." Luna cocked an ear to listen, thinking Honestly, I didn't either.

Pinkie materialized on the cloud. "Lousy rotten I had no idea what kind of-" she dissolved into growls and snorts and began to stomp the cloud, causing sparks to squirt out the sides and a large pink lightning bolt to slam into the ground. "HMMPH! Serves you right! Now get back where you belong, you piece of garbage! NOBODY messes with our foals!"

"Ah," Luna said. "Same problem as the other two?"

"Yeah. At least the other pervert wasn't after the little fillies. I thought he was kinda cute with his earth pony spell and I said wanna come over to the bakery and have some cupcakes, and he did, but we ran out and I said wait a minute, come down to the basement, I'm out of the main ingredient and it's kinda heavy, and he screamed and ran back through to the brony con. Too bad. I would totally have put pink icing all over him and-"

Dash shoved a hoof over her mouth. "Still a lot of foals around, yannow?"

"Oh! Yeah! Huh." Pinkie looked over the cloud. "HEY GUY, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK! He ought to know she's not gay and neither is she and neither are those two and if he thinks Cheerilee and Mrs. Cake would even THINK about a three-way-and does he realize that's one of the other bronies with a unicorn spell? Good thing Rarity hadn't filled in the pit yet. That makes it easier to clean that up. And that mattress totally needed torched."

She went on narrating the chaos below. Luna cocked an eyebrow at Dash. "Uh...she's up here...on a cloud...?"

"Don't mention it," Dash sighed. She fluffed up a piece of cloud and lay down on it. "Whoo, the overtime we're going to get for this. Oh, good. Rarity's dad got the last one out of the Everfree and got him back on the train."

Celestia folded her wings and came in for a gentle landing. "Is there room on this cloud?"

"There's room on the balcony, too," Luna said. A small squabble seemed to be breaking out on the ground floor. Two of the palace guards were shoving a bedraggled brony out the front door. "Or maybe not." She climbed back to the cloud and lay down, pulling a wisp of it over her head.

"The cloud seems safer. In fact, I think it needs to be over this way. WAY over this way. And maybe hidden behind the mountain."

"Want some cookies?" Luna said. She stuck her head into the bedroom. Scootaloo was a tiny puddle in the middle of the blankets. She levitated the cookie platter to the cloud and plopped it in the middle of the growing crowd, then caught movement below at the train station. "OH CRAP!"

"Yell a little louder. The ponies in Manehattan didn't hear you," Celestia groaned.

"Sorry!-Hey, put him down!" Luna dove on the train platform and snatched Spike from the arms of a brony whose half-faded pony spell had left him with four legs and a pot belly.

"I thought he was a plushie!" the brony howled after her.

"YES, AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO WITH HIM!" She dropped Spike on the cloud.

"Gee, thanks, princess! I got his donuts," Spike beamed at her.

"What a coincidence," Twilight muttered. "He's missing his donuts and the other one's missing his gonuts."

Celestia rubbed her forehead, counting on the other hoof. "Let's see...the one who, um, the one who, er, the pit, the guy who...and the one who thought Sunnytown sounded like fun, but he's not all the way dead, just a zombie and Zecora can always use him...and the hydra won't be hungry for a while. Other than that, they're all on their way back. Pinkie, where are you going?"

"They're having a buffet at the brony con!" Pinkie yelled from the back of the train far below.

Before either she or Celestia could open their mouths, the sky flashed. "PINKEMENA DIANE PIE! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Both alicorns winced. Pinkie climbed off the train and teleported back to the cloud, ears drooping. She looked over to the gaping hole beyond Ponyville. "Sorry, Lauren!"

Celestia waved at the hole in the fourth wall. "Thanks. My voice is giving out."

"NO PROBLEM, GIRLS! Gotta get back to the brony con." The red-haired alicorn winked. "I'll fix the fourth wall. Just keep Pinkie busy for a while."

"If that cute one with the pony spell hadn't run off, it wouldn't have been a problem," Pinkie grumbled.

Luna yawned and stretched. "Well, I'm awake now anyway. Want me to take care of the sunset, sister?"

"Oh, that's all right, I'll get to it..." Celestia sighed. "No, you know what? Go ahead. I have the urge to take this cloud over to Sweet Apple Acres and see if AJ has any cider left...preferably some that's been in the keg for a good...long...time."


End file.
